fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I look better un-naked...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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