ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
