Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
