Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The air was thick with penises
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
