So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
