this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
