Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
