Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
