Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
