There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Boobs speak an international language.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
