did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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