im drinking this country out of the recession.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
