I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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