Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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