Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
