I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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