had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
