What a fucking waste of an outfit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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