You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
