I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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