Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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