I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
