wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
