I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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