is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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