Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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