dude i'm inner monologue high
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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