I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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