FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
