Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't make out with my wife yet
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
