idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so let's talk penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
