You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
