Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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