I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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