and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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