Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
that is very illegal...i love you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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