i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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