I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
