you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We don't watch enough power rangers
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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