Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
