Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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