Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
