I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
