Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
