It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
