Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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