He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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