Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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