hotel room ftw
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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