I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
