So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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