New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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