i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
