Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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