Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
